In God's Time

Things will happen when they are meant to happen  –  in God’s time.   This is one of the early lessons in faith, in taking this journey in a conscious, mindful, in-the-moment way.  It’s been couple months since I sat myself down in front of my computer and engaged in writing on this blog.  In that time I wrapped up my last role, and put my mind and heart into finding the next.   As I suspected it is proving to be one of those faith journeys which turn out to mean immense amounts to our spiritual growth – in retrospect.    Learning the lessons along the way, however, is never quite as joyful as recalling them at a later, perhaps less eventful, time.

This morning I find myself again facing loss, although in fact it is not the loss of anything I really possessed, but merely something that I thought was within my grasp.   The early part of this journey has been rich with potential – after dealing with the loss of my old path, which was a mournful though thankfully somewhat brief process, I’ve moved on to exploring the forward path.

First of course was the preparation – taking some classes, developing some marketing material, exploring the possibilities.   Things happened fast in that phase as well – I was in control, and when I am in control, things happen rapidly because I plan them, I execute, I evaluate them and I adjust them.  One can provide themselves progress (or at least the illusion of progress) very quickly in such a manner.  So I have my resume, my marketing plan, my references, exit and positioning statements.   And I did a number of quick applications, networking and interviews.  I even wrote some consulting proposals and told myself something would come up quickly.

Many things did in fact come up – prayers were answered when things were blackest, in the form of opportunities, some with pretty slick dreams attached to them.  I could see the fingerprints of God on them – the touches of irony, and the touches of tailoring to my mind and soul.   God has a sense of humor, and so whimsy, opportunities for redemption, and things that touched my soul could be seen glimmering in the options before me.

But perhaps it was too neat.  Perhaps I needed to struggle more.  Perhaps someone in the vast chain of events had used their free-will to make an unanticipated choice, and so the flow was broken.   I am counseled not to over-think it.  Pain lies in asking “why?” too often.  There is to be no call to account for the perpetrators, no justice meted out to the wicked, and further, to find my own road to happiness, I must let go of the possibility.  It only holds me back from the road I must find and then follow.

All these things I know.   My friend last night texted me a quote – he sent “Karma says: The universe has a strange way of correcting itself and everything in it from time to time”.   I know that as well, and I look forward to that correction, but I know it will happen in God’s time and not mine.     I know there is a plan, and even a position out there that is perfect for me.  There are also many that I could do a great job doing that may not be perfect.  And I know this is about, as more than one other person has reminded me, aligning myself with a greater purpose.   All this my heart tells me is true.

And yet the architect in me longs to take the measure of a great problem and lay down an elegant solution.   And the program manager in me screams (yes, all of you who do programs know that is true), screams at me to find the next step and get it done – now!   And I help counsel and develop those along the way who are on this and other paths to develop their skills, and be bold and brave in their decisions and directions.  I can’t help being who I am and doing what I do.

And the mystic in me – the old soul, the philosopher, the shaman – counsels the rest to be brave and be patient – to take the time to understand the forces at work, and the directions I am being lead, and the spirits in motion, and in time – in God’s time – to follow the path, and take the lead I am truly meant to take.  Drink in the energy that dreams and opportunity provide and don’t forget the spiritual food for the journey.  Be ready when the moment arrives.

Good talk, Dad.