Giving Thanks

Nine months into the year I was asked to consider at the beginning of this blog, much has happened on the journey.   As always my travels have taken me many places, and more loom , much closer than the horizon.  Today I was working remotely , although until about 3 weeks ago it would have been working from home.   Since I last wrote, I left the job that I had taken in order to get employed again, and to remain in the Milwaukee area.  I took a job far more in line with my skills and interests, with a company seeming to have a better defined need of my skills and abilities.   I kept a promise to myself – a promise to take care of myself and my career, a promise to build a path forward, a promise to learn the lessons of being discarded after 26 years of loyal service, having done my job and accomplished the mission that myself and many on the team believed was not possible. In doing so I also kept a promise to God to be open to the opportunities that have been so graciously laid in my path.

I found myself also back in the seat of the church I have attended the last year - has it only been a little over a year?  All the priests are so good at delivering their messages, with the flamboyance of the pastor, the intellectual theological analysis of the high school principal, and our retired Franciscan who covers for them.  It was the latter doing Mass this weekend in his sandals.  With all that has happened in this country, he reminded us on the feast of Christ the King that God accomplishes his means through imperfect people who answer his call to leadership, whether it be David as king of Israel, or whether it be an imperfect John F. Kennedy in the few years of Camelot set the prelude to the 1960’s in America.  For him, knowing JFK’s sins and imperfections only magnified the power of God, knowing that even those of who are not morally and ethically perfect can still greatly accomplish the purposes of the divine in our moments of understanding and following the Lord’s will.  I hope it gives my readers the same comfort it gave me.

As I contemplated my own imperfections before him, and before the Cross, he stood exactly in front of me, sitting alone in the third row (I always take the short seats in front when I am alone), not 6 feet away.  Our eyes met, and I knew I would have to listen to, and probably share what he said next.  “All you who are leaders, pray to Jesus to help you lead.  He will make you the kind of leader you need to be”.  This was also a message of hope to my mind as I try to come quickly up to speed.  I’ve never been one to wear the WWJD wristband, and if I ask the question, it’s far more likely to be “What would Jimmy do?” when I am on the stage.  But praying for guidance and spirit to infuse me, that is right up my alley.  It’s good to know I am not alone – my Value Stream Engineer has a background on her screen that says “Jesus, take the wheel!”  I love that song.

Father was not yet done.    Good speakers always save their best point for last.  Thanksgiving is of course coming fast – and yes, at Thanksgiving, so many times I have stood, speaking as the head of my branch of the family, and recounted the blessings we had received.   As he spoke, I knew instantly where he was going.   We had to be thankful to God for not only the blessings obviously received – the new children, newfound wealth, recovered health, or the return of those lost to us.  We needed to be thankful for the challenges God had placed in our path.

Now that was the big one.   And I know I need to be.  Perhaps it’s easier now that I know I will be ok, as will nearly all of those who were laid off with me.   Even then, I knew God was in charge, and using those around me much as he had used Judas, to accomplish the greater good.  In time, I pray that I will find forgiveness for those who were called to betray me.  Too strong of language?  Perhaps.   I’m still processing this even on the far side, because it does sting that deeply.

Thank you God for the misfortune that lay in my path.  Thank you for the chance, for the grace you granted me all along the path to the future.   By all that happened my eyes and heart were opened to new possibilities and opportunities.  It’s easy to be thankful for those that gave me a chance along the way, those who taught me lessons I needed to hear, those who had compassion for me in my hour of need.   Without this fork in the road I never would have known them.

Thank you for awakening in me again the call to servant leadership – to lead as you have led in many different faith traditions, but especially in the example of the one who is born into the world in this season.    I am reminded that I am hired and called to lead my team as its servant, to hold my company (and myself) to account for the growth and success of the people trusted to my leadership.  I pray that somehow those who believe it is OK to sacrifice others in the service of their own success look in the mirror to see the fallacy of that way of thinking, and like Scrooge, repent of their former ways and go forward with the spirit of light inside them, to lift others up with them rather than climbing higher on their backs.

What I Learned on My Summer Vacation

The last 5 months have been a time of serious learning in my life.  I never would have chosen to go through the experience of losing my job of 26 years.   I shook me to the very core of my being, and caused me many night of sleeplessness, and days of anxiety.   It reminded me that sometimes we have to get into the mode of getting my day-by-day – or maybe we should just always do our best to stay there.

1. You will rapidly find out who your real friends / true supporters are.  Some of them will reassure you.  Some of them will surprise you.   Remember this in the days ahead
2. It’s never either as bad or as good as it seems.  Somehow you need to find perspective to stay on an even keel, and keep moving.
3. God has a huge sense of humor, and will share it with you from time to time.  You need to keep yours as well.
4. Networking is something you can never do enough – in fact I know this is something I will have to take a personal leadership role in, and engage others I know are leaders.
5. Taking care of yourself is not optional – you cannot take care of anyone else until you take care of yourself.
6. It’s not all about you, even if it affects you.   There are bigger reasons things happen.   Many of them are out of your control.   Finding ones that are about you is a gift, because you can do something about them.
7. Forgiveness and letting go are as difficult as they are crucial.  Being the better person is not immediately satisfying, but it is essential to moving on.
8. With credit to the Boy Scouts of my youth, Be Prepared.   Keep your resume updated, build your network, and move when your gut tells you there is trouble afoot.   Know when the impossible may strike.
9. Keep the faith.   Trust the Lord however you believe.  Keep your eyes open for the signs and openings.   Live as you believe and become your best self.
10. Help others along the way however you can.  Yes take care of yourself first.  And then pay it forward.

God bless everyone I know who has had to, is walking, or who will walk this path.  Take all that you know and apply it to the problem at hand.  It will serve you well.

* The picture is from the Kona Brewing Company's Kona Pub & Brewery, which is reachable by a scenic 90 minute drive from beautiful Hale Lezarde

In God's Time

Things will happen when they are meant to happen  –  in God’s time.   This is one of the early lessons in faith, in taking this journey in a conscious, mindful, in-the-moment way.  It’s been couple months since I sat myself down in front of my computer and engaged in writing on this blog.  In that time I wrapped up my last role, and put my mind and heart into finding the next.   As I suspected it is proving to be one of those faith journeys which turn out to mean immense amounts to our spiritual growth – in retrospect.    Learning the lessons along the way, however, is never quite as joyful as recalling them at a later, perhaps less eventful, time.

This morning I find myself again facing loss, although in fact it is not the loss of anything I really possessed, but merely something that I thought was within my grasp.   The early part of this journey has been rich with potential – after dealing with the loss of my old path, which was a mournful though thankfully somewhat brief process, I’ve moved on to exploring the forward path.

First of course was the preparation – taking some classes, developing some marketing material, exploring the possibilities.   Things happened fast in that phase as well – I was in control, and when I am in control, things happen rapidly because I plan them, I execute, I evaluate them and I adjust them.  One can provide themselves progress (or at least the illusion of progress) very quickly in such a manner.  So I have my resume, my marketing plan, my references, exit and positioning statements.   And I did a number of quick applications, networking and interviews.  I even wrote some consulting proposals and told myself something would come up quickly.

Many things did in fact come up – prayers were answered when things were blackest, in the form of opportunities, some with pretty slick dreams attached to them.  I could see the fingerprints of God on them – the touches of irony, and the touches of tailoring to my mind and soul.   God has a sense of humor, and so whimsy, opportunities for redemption, and things that touched my soul could be seen glimmering in the options before me.

But perhaps it was too neat.  Perhaps I needed to struggle more.  Perhaps someone in the vast chain of events had used their free-will to make an unanticipated choice, and so the flow was broken.   I am counseled not to over-think it.  Pain lies in asking “why?” too often.  There is to be no call to account for the perpetrators, no justice meted out to the wicked, and further, to find my own road to happiness, I must let go of the possibility.  It only holds me back from the road I must find and then follow.

All these things I know.   My friend last night texted me a quote – he sent “Karma says: The universe has a strange way of correcting itself and everything in it from time to time”.   I know that as well, and I look forward to that correction, but I know it will happen in God’s time and not mine.     I know there is a plan, and even a position out there that is perfect for me.  There are also many that I could do a great job doing that may not be perfect.  And I know this is about, as more than one other person has reminded me, aligning myself with a greater purpose.   All this my heart tells me is true.

And yet the architect in me longs to take the measure of a great problem and lay down an elegant solution.   And the program manager in me screams (yes, all of you who do programs know that is true), screams at me to find the next step and get it done – now!   And I help counsel and develop those along the way who are on this and other paths to develop their skills, and be bold and brave in their decisions and directions.  I can’t help being who I am and doing what I do.

And the mystic in me – the old soul, the philosopher, the shaman – counsels the rest to be brave and be patient – to take the time to understand the forces at work, and the directions I am being lead, and the spirits in motion, and in time – in God’s time – to follow the path, and take the lead I am truly meant to take.  Drink in the energy that dreams and opportunity provide and don’t forget the spiritual food for the journey.  Be ready when the moment arrives.

Good talk, Dad.

Servant Leadership

This topic has been turning over in my mind for several days.   Last week I was invited into a group for Servant Leadership. I’m not sure yet if they accepted me.  Nor am I clear on the qualifications.  I’m tempted to believe, as Groucho Marx once said, that “I wouldn’t want to join any club that would have someone like me as a member.”   Nevertheless, I do style myself as a servant leader, believing that the only one truly suited to lead is one who does it for the good of those he or she is leading.

Holy Thursday this past week, and as it has been every other time Christians commemorate the Last Supper of our Lord, the story is told of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples.  The Gospel of St. John alone tells this story, although certainly others have references to servant leadership as a concept Jesus taught.  With so many things to emphasize in the remembrance of that night,   it is the washing of the feet and the re-dedication of the leadership of the church that is the message to be taken home.

It’s an awkward thing to either have your feet washed, or to wash the feet of another, as this particular church asked those in attendance.  It’s not something common to the 21^st century, really, to touch a stranger in any way.  In this part of the world, this time of year we all have shoes and socks, and most bathe every day.  I have traveled where sandals are more common, to places where it’s either mud season or dust season, and I can imagine those times when a basin of water and a jug at the door would have seemed like a good idea.  But it’s far removed from contemporary, day to day experience in America.

But as a leader, I understand the duty to serve.   Every day people are challenging my team, with work they need to do, work they wish our team would not do, with questions, with policies, with different interpretations.   And there will be the escalation to me – the manager – needing to tell someone to do something, or not do something, that they need to spend some time away from their family, or that their pay raise will be delayed.  It’s my job to do all that.   It’s my job to serve my company, its management and stockholders, to make sure my people do an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.

It’s my duty to serve my people as well – to speak up when what’s being asked of them is not reasonable, to manage my budget the best I can to insure that not only do we take care of today but don’t get ourselves in a mess for tomorrow.  I need to make sure they have the time they need in this crazy world to have some semblance of a relationship with their spouses and their families.  I need to insure they take time not only to do what needs to get done today, but are aware of their needs and have their opportunities to prepare themselves for what tomorrow demands.  I need to represent back to all those others I serve the thousand things my people do that they do not see, yet rely on every day to accomplish their own tasks.  When they fail I have to take my share of the responsibility, and make sure we all do our best to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

I have had managers and leaders who understood this – who did it instinctively.  People would crawl over broken glass for these leaders.    We would soar, and go far out of our comfort zone if we knew our leader had our back.   The very same team, however, for another leader, was very capable of covering its backside and doing only what it knew to be safe .   People know if you are serving them, even if what you ask is difficult.   People also know when you are using them only to cover for your own deficiencies.    In those lonely moments, when there is no easy way, the servant leader somehow finds a way to get the job done, if it can be without destroying the people doing it, or finds a way to change the job so that it is doable.  And if his team is going to take the consequences, the servant leader receives them at the same time, as the people reap the rewards when they deserve them, whether or not the leader receives any credit.

Servant leadership is an uncomfortable place, even if you are comfortable acting as that leader.  Your reward must often come from within, as you will be perceived as not aggressive enough, not willing to “stretch”.   Rewards of the soul and spirit are seldom short term rewards – though they can be very good for your business.  Integrity and courage are words that are in vogue for businesses to seek, even if they are unprepared to deal with the actual examples.  Servant leaders, however, can look themselves in the mirror, and over the course of a career know they did the right thing.  Your people and your leaders are watching. So is whatever faith and spirit you serve.

Act accordingly.

*Today's picture is the author standing before The Gates of Hell at the Musee Rhodin in Paris. Credit to Mme. Lezarde for her superb camera work.

Facing Fear

One of the elementary learnings on my spiritual journey is that God is love.  Lifetimes have been transformed, classical books written, and civilizations changed because of that fact.   Nothing can be created without love in some form bringing its energy to the process.  When we are strong and filled with love, we can be strong in faith and make even the most difficult choices with grace.

Starting out, I would have told you that the opposite of love is hate.   But hatred is an active choice, made because of a more fundamental force.  Expressions of hatred almost always trace themselves back to fear.  One of the great spiritual teachers once put it this way:  “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”   Although he never existed in the flesh, Master Yoda’s teaching could come right from any pulpit.   People act and react because of fear.  Fear cuts us off from the spirit and from one another.  It is in fact the opposite of love.

I woke this morning in fear, which surprised me greatly as that hasn’t really happened in many years.    Anger, yes, frustration, crying out to God in the shower for relief from some problem in my life (generally self-created). On some days I am that frustrated.  But fundamental fear has not crept into me, in a big way, since the days of my divorce.   It’s been over for more than 10 years now (including custody battles), and really, pretty much a feature of the past for about 15, when it comes to obsessive fear.   I knew those days well, when the world was heavy, when hope had faded, when the reality was I had no rational expectation that tomorrow would bring any relief of the problems I faced today.

  “There are good days and bad days” is a mantra one hears in many suffering situations, whether it be Alzheimer’s or cancer, recovery from addiction or mental illness, loss of a loved one, failure of a relationship, or a crisis of career.  The good days can bring growth, insight, and understanding  – excitement by contrast.   Good days looks forward – bad days look back, and they look like they are never going to end.  Ground Hog Day is another great spiritual icon, a story of a man trapped in time until he accomplishes growth.  This morning I woke up and except for Sonny and Cher on the radio, it might as well have been Ground Hog Day again – cold and dark, with a winter that is never going to end.

Fear, anger, resentment, and the entire suite of self-doubt it entails seem intractable and inescapable at the same time.    Together all that is inside cries out for release from the torment.  The mind offers up solutions in the form of quick fixes and identifies targets for elimination.  Pride screams: “I am better than this.  I don’t deserve this.  How can this be happening?  Why?”  Statements are made to God and to self, in themselves serving no purpose, for fear cannot create, it can only destroy, whether it be self, life, property, businesses, relationships, dreams, or people.  Knowledge of the darkness is important for it can allow us to see the light.  But to live, we must always go to the light.

Jesus knew where he was going in the garden the night before he died.   They say he sweated blood, that he prayed that “this cup pass me by”, but submitted to the will of God and embraced his fate.  He’d seen miracles, wrought them by his own hand.  He was transfigured before his friends.  The heavens opened to proclaim his birth and baptism.  To those to whom much is given, much is also expected.  He knew all that and yet fear of the singularity of death drove him to the point of madness.  How weak then am I standing before this, and really all the other points of “courage” confronting me in my life?  Get up and dry the tears and thank God for all the blessings in my life.  There’s no cross waiting for me out in the back forty.

I’ll skip all the theology in that.  My career is not (yet?) as a writer so I’ll save that for when people are paying for my books and blogs.  I’ll let the love in and let it transform me.  I will go towards the light and look for the best outcomes.   Instead of paying back, I will pay forward.    Some days we can keep our fears at bay.  Some days we have to overcome them.    But always we must find our strength in the Spirit, and in the love which surrounds our life.  Only then can we create the reality we are called to live.  

Only that way can we create the world to come.

*Todays picture is from the National Weather Service - it is in fact the last Advisory map before Hurricane Iselle change the face of my beloved Orchid Isle forever.

The Say - Do Ratio

I’ve heard it expressed many ways in my time.  In Agile of course we call it the Say-Do Ratio, the comparison of the number of story points accepted to the number of story points planned (multiply by 100 to express as a percentage).   Teams starting out often find their numbers sorely lacking, less than 50%.  A good, experienced, team taking reasonable risk might crack 90%.  An effective team uses this ratio to guide their future planning in order to become more predictable.  An effective product owner uses it to make sure he’s not asking his teams to do ridiculous things.  I find an effective architect often finds him / herself marveling at the lack of ability of some of the population to learn from experience.

Learning from experience is something most people intuitively understand.   More than listening to what people say, we look at what people do.  St. Francis of Assisi had a couple things to say on it: “The deeds you do may be the only sermon some persons will hear today”.  I believe this with all my being – I have seen it in my co-workers, and in my children, and all those with whom I interact.   Francis was way out on the fringes in his day – renounced his family, his wealth, all worldly goods and set out to understand, live and explain the Gospel.   We have the image Francis in our gardens, reminding us of the Spirit in Nature, we have our Nativity scenes, of which Francis is credited the invention.  One time an entire church offered itself as converts to his religious order after one service.    A life passionately lived in genuine belief in the truth of the Gospel can have an effect that lasts for thousands of years.  Some day a Pope might even take your name and live out his life in the same spirit. *

 “Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.”   Here in Wisconsin, we are prone to a bit of hero worship, especially between September and the start of February.  Some of it, like the image of St.Vince in the stands, or perhaps in the parking lots near Lambeau Field is amusing and relatively harmless.   But this St. Francis quote is reputed to be a favorite of a man I am pretty sure would not accept the mantle of hero, and yet seems to live it out in his daily life, by his work as well as the causes he supports.  His colleagues seem to refer to him as simply “12”, and the rest of us know him as Aaron Rodgers.    His quiet intensity in all that he does, coupled with never taking anything about himself seriously (except criticism), sets an example which many would be served to follow.   I imagine what we can’t see – the hours he puts in addressing those criticisms, and the much harsher self-criticism a guy like that must have – turns him into a transcendent force in his chosen profession and beyond.

Authenticity has power.  So does inauthenticity.    Imagine if you will that you are a very visible executive, and one of your pet peeves is the expense of internal employee travel.  Now granted, most of your travel involves customer contact at one point or another.   But even if they understand, some of your employees get pretty frustrated when they are up in the middle of the night, the breaking of dawn, needing to be actively involved in hour or day long teleconferences because sometimes, no matter how simple and distributed a global organization is, the global pieces need to communicate.    So you might be a little more sensitive than naming your blog “From The Road”, and including pictures of your global staff, when some cannot even travel to onboard new members of their direct staff.

And don’t make one of the pillars of the company’s strategy “People are Our Most Important Asset” just before embarking on a major reduction in force.    I remember a number of the parodies that my colleagues came out with after that one – “People are our Most Expensive Asset” was one of the kindest takes. “People are Our Most Important Problem” was heard as well.   If memory serves “Walk the Talk” was on that list as well.  I know it has to be done sometimes.  But at least feign some semblance of remorse.  Also, check your acronyms, and have the courage to point it out to your boss if he names the team Platform Integration Services, or Technology / Medical Integration, or even the Computer Resource Allocation Project, especially if you suggested it.

Once authenticity is gone it can never be recovered.  Whatever you say, people are watching what you do.  Even when you think no one is watching.  The Say Do ratio isn’t just for Scrum planning any more.

*Apologies to my Jesuit friends  –  St. Francis Xavier was a pretty cool guy too.

** Today's picture is a Say-Do - Sandy and I said we would lead trips to Hawaii and this is the first one, for the transit of Venus in 2012.   Sometime we'll get to The Rest of the Story

The Silly Walk

A major Fortune 5 company once upon a time decided that it would encourage its employees to become healthier by launching a major initiative encouraging employee health.  Being in the healthcare division of that same company , a group of employees decided to take to heart the advice to get up and move about more.  At first it was perhaps 8 – 10 of us going out and walking a mile or a mile and a half.   A few folks had aches and pains that kept them from wanting to go the whole distance.  Those who remained took up a faster pace (it turns out the employees of this company are very competitive people, especially when a simple, fun activity can be turned into an inappropriate competition).  Soon we were walking 2.3 miles (measured by GPS) in approximately 40 minutes every day.

Spring became summer, cold spring rain and winds became magnificent summer breezes.   Three, four, sometimes even 5 of us continued to walk, most days.  I made it a point to walk every day because in addition to the companionship, the fresh air, the sunshine, the turning of the seasons in the woods, the tall grass, and the wetlands out on the campus “back 40” kept me in touch with reality.  I could see the spirit poured out on the earth in its cycles of death and rebirth, and I could see that in the midst of Midwestern suburbia, far more life was going on than meets the eye.

By winter I was walking alone most days.  I brought boots as I had previously brought in walking shoes.  I remembered how to dress for even sub-zero weather.   The starkness of winter, which I once treasured in my youth, cross-country skiing to class, flooded back into my consciousness.  I remembered tracking in the snow, coyotes, deer, mice, rabbits – even the impressive wing prints of a hawk that had swooped down to make a kill.   I was reminded that in my younger days, I had said “the outdoors is my church”.  Although strapping on a 30 pound pack and disappearing from sight for 4 or 5 days is no longer in the sensible plans I might make for a weekend, touching base with the woods often helps me see a fresh approach to a problem.

Now I’m probably 7 or 8 years into this habit, and I almost always walk alone.  I do walk indoors now when the weather is miserable, as I feel it more in my bones.  But I live for days like today when it is only March, and yet the pond has thawed and the frogs are singing.   The geese are here early chasing one another through the hair and honking loudly.   The turkeys were strutting on the hill this morning, the Tom strutting his stuff for apparently indifferent hens.  And I flushed the Sandhill cranes as I walked down the path – they barely cleared the fence. I would have recommended a different traffic pattern.

The wind blows as spirit.  The warm energy of the sun reminds me of the presence of light in the world, and in ourselves.  The coming and going of the water with the seasons reminds me that life marches on.  I’ve had some of the big experiences in life – literally mountaintop experiences looking down on the mountain’s shadow on the clouds and seeing the earth rotate, seeing it lengthen and watching the stars rise, planets aligned in the same plane.   And I’ve had the little experiences – of seeing the crane’s chick, spotted running through the grass as Dad threatens to skewer me with his beak.   I’ve chuckled at the turkeys generally choosing to roost outside the executive offices in the trees.  I figured out what the critter is that leaves strange tracks where the trail crosses the drainage ditch (it’s a mink).  And I saw the snowy owl that had ventured to far south in the crazy cold winter a couple years back.

Some days I need to know there is a world out there.  I need to let God open a hole in the clouds to let the sunshine, or have the odd crayfish crawling across the path.  I need to know the world is alive and drink it’s spirit to refresh my soul for the afternoon.  And that regardless of who is on the next telecom, life will go on.