Facing Fear

One of the elementary learnings on my spiritual journey is that God is love.  Lifetimes have been transformed, classical books written, and civilizations changed because of that fact.   Nothing can be created without love in some form bringing its energy to the process.  When we are strong and filled with love, we can be strong in faith and make even the most difficult choices with grace.

Starting out, I would have told you that the opposite of love is hate.   But hatred is an active choice, made because of a more fundamental force.  Expressions of hatred almost always trace themselves back to fear.  One of the great spiritual teachers once put it this way:  “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”   Although he never existed in the flesh, Master Yoda’s teaching could come right from any pulpit.   People act and react because of fear.  Fear cuts us off from the spirit and from one another.  It is in fact the opposite of love.

I woke this morning in fear, which surprised me greatly as that hasn’t really happened in many years.    Anger, yes, frustration, crying out to God in the shower for relief from some problem in my life (generally self-created). On some days I am that frustrated.  But fundamental fear has not crept into me, in a big way, since the days of my divorce.   It’s been over for more than 10 years now (including custody battles), and really, pretty much a feature of the past for about 15, when it comes to obsessive fear.   I knew those days well, when the world was heavy, when hope had faded, when the reality was I had no rational expectation that tomorrow would bring any relief of the problems I faced today.

  “There are good days and bad days” is a mantra one hears in many suffering situations, whether it be Alzheimer’s or cancer, recovery from addiction or mental illness, loss of a loved one, failure of a relationship, or a crisis of career.  The good days can bring growth, insight, and understanding  – excitement by contrast.   Good days looks forward – bad days look back, and they look like they are never going to end.  Ground Hog Day is another great spiritual icon, a story of a man trapped in time until he accomplishes growth.  This morning I woke up and except for Sonny and Cher on the radio, it might as well have been Ground Hog Day again – cold and dark, with a winter that is never going to end.

Fear, anger, resentment, and the entire suite of self-doubt it entails seem intractable and inescapable at the same time.    Together all that is inside cries out for release from the torment.  The mind offers up solutions in the form of quick fixes and identifies targets for elimination.  Pride screams: “I am better than this.  I don’t deserve this.  How can this be happening?  Why?”  Statements are made to God and to self, in themselves serving no purpose, for fear cannot create, it can only destroy, whether it be self, life, property, businesses, relationships, dreams, or people.  Knowledge of the darkness is important for it can allow us to see the light.  But to live, we must always go to the light.

Jesus knew where he was going in the garden the night before he died.   They say he sweated blood, that he prayed that “this cup pass me by”, but submitted to the will of God and embraced his fate.  He’d seen miracles, wrought them by his own hand.  He was transfigured before his friends.  The heavens opened to proclaim his birth and baptism.  To those to whom much is given, much is also expected.  He knew all that and yet fear of the singularity of death drove him to the point of madness.  How weak then am I standing before this, and really all the other points of “courage” confronting me in my life?  Get up and dry the tears and thank God for all the blessings in my life.  There’s no cross waiting for me out in the back forty.

I’ll skip all the theology in that.  My career is not (yet?) as a writer so I’ll save that for when people are paying for my books and blogs.  I’ll let the love in and let it transform me.  I will go towards the light and look for the best outcomes.   Instead of paying back, I will pay forward.    Some days we can keep our fears at bay.  Some days we have to overcome them.    But always we must find our strength in the Spirit, and in the love which surrounds our life.  Only then can we create the reality we are called to live.  

Only that way can we create the world to come.

*Todays picture is from the National Weather Service - it is in fact the last Advisory map before Hurricane Iselle change the face of my beloved Orchid Isle forever.